Noodles only left my place at midday today, and we've been hanging out since Saturday (although there was a sesh that night, so we haven't been alone). We spent Sunday night baked off our faces listening to In Rainbows (what else?) and the Twilight soundtrack (ahem), while eating Jelly Tots. We slept well, of course, cleaned my house lots the following morning and then headed to town for dinner. We ate in the IFI restaurant/bar. He'd never been there before, and was quite impressed with the food. I've lost my appetite lately, I dunno why. I haven't really been able to finish a meal, but what I had was delish anyway. Unfortunately, he brought up my current romantic situation over dessert and tea, and again later on when we were watching The Mighty Boosh in bed with lots of red wine (something we do fairly often, to be honest). He suggested I write a blog about it, so here I am. I'm not really sure where to start though...
Okay, first of all, it is common knowledge to my closest buds that I am currently seeing three people at once (two guys and a girl, all of whom know about each other). I didn't set out to do so, it just sort of happened over the past while and I'm going with the flow, so to speak. I am not invovled in anything serious with any of them, and I feel it necessary to state that I am not whoring myself off, and have friendships with all of them also. I hook up with random people every now and again too, but these three are my favourites, I suppose I'd say, and they're all completely different. I'll use code names to protect their dignity, and also because I don't want to give too much away (not that this blog is widely read or anything haha).
- Star (because of the tattoo on her forearm and her general presence): The first is the girl, hereafter referred to as Star, who I have been involved with for the longest time. I met her early this year and fancied her immediately, although I had to embarrass the shit out of myself to actually get her number off her. She's fun, spontaneous, laidback and incredibly sexy. All of my buds love her (despite what she thinks) and we always have the best time together, especially when we get hammered or stoned and end up in my bed... I saw her on Sunday night for the first time in ages, and the kiss at the end of the date left me aching to drag her home with me. She's going to be a permanent fixture no matter what happens, because we understand each other. She's one of the only people who I could imagine trusting enough to be serious with.
- Dylan (because of the great Dylan Moran, whom he and I bonded over the first time we ever spoke): The second is a guy who I've known for almost three years, hereafter referred to as Dylan, and have been close to for just as much time. I discovered over the summer that he had a crush on me, which came as a huge surprise to me (but not to Saz, who knew all along). Although I was flattered, I didn't think I necessarily felt the same way. That is, until we started hanging out again and I realised that there was something between us after all. It baffles me, because we could not be more different, he's not the type of person I usually go for, we constantly bump heads, and we spend a hell of lot of time arguing...but that makes it more fun in a way. I feel strangely close to him, and I even managed to open up to him the last time we hung out, which is very odd for me. Having said all of that, there is a line that must be crossed and I'm not sure what the repercussions of that would be yet...
- My emo (self explanatory, really): The third is a guy whose arrival came as a complete and total shock to me. I've known him for a while, but he always seemed put off by me because I tend to ask a lot of questions (typical journo), while he wants to sit quietly and maintain an air of mystery. I thought I was pissing him off, but although I didn't fancy him from the beginning, he always fascinated me. We hung out on Halloween night, purely out of circumstance, and chatted lots, but once again I got the distinct impression that I was irritating him (plus he was into somebody else at the time). I didn't hear from him again until the weekend we were in York, over a month later, when I received a text out of the blue that made me smile, despite how offbeat it was. Saz and Niamh thought for sure he was flirting with me, and it continued well into the next week, but I didn't believe it until Frodo told me straight out that he had a crush on me. And then we hooked up. And then he wanted to go out with me, but I just can't right now, and I had to explain the situation with the other two. He took it quite well, and we hung out all last weekend. It was quite weird leaving him on Sunday and then heading off to see Star, and he did admit to being slightly jealous, but I know he's grand. He's most commonly referred to as "my emo" even though he's not actually emo (but does have his nails painted black and quite enjoys pain...) and he really surprised me on Saturday night by comforting me when I really didn't expect him to...
So there you have it, the story so far. I've never done anything like this before and, like I said, it's not something I expected to happen, but I'm really enjoying getting close to three different people, all of whom are fantastic in their own ways, in purely casual, fun circumstances. I think a lot of people are expecting me to choose between them eventually, but I don't see that happening any time soon. Besides, I'm off to Germany in two months, so what would be the point? I'm not complaining about shit being complicated either, because it keeps life interesting!
I can't quite get used to all of this attention, though, as anybody who has attempted to compliment me recently will know. I feel a bit undeserving at times, because I don't know if I'd necessarily want to share the person I liked. But, having said that, now that I'm in this situation, I can finally understand why some people refuse to settle down. I also know that a lot of people do not agree with how I'm currently living my life, but that doesn't bother me in the slightest because I'm happy. I'm honest with the three I'm involved with, too, so it's not a big deal. I would never intentionally hurt any of them either, and I'll do my best to ensure that their feelings are protected, but it's not like people don't know what they're getting themselves into when they get close to me...this shit will fuck you up, remember?!
Song of the day: Combichrist - This Shit Will Fuck You Up (a song most commonly associated with me, and often used to warn people off me!!)
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