It never gets boring...

New year, new prospects, new blog. 2009 is going to be a bit mad, because I'm spending six months of it in Germany with one of my best buds in the entire world, Saz. She is the ying to my yang, my other half if ever I met one. Watching her change and evolve over the past two years or so has been fantastic, and her confidence builds by the day. On New Year's Eve, she received a phone call that was one of the biggest insults to her ever made. We laughed our asses off about the attempts at manipulation, the bullshit, the insecurity, the pure and simple cruelty, but underneath it all he's just pathetic.

I cannot believe that anybody in his/her right mind would think me capable of influencing somebody as fucking independent, confident and intelligent as Saz. It's laughable. She is truly one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen, not to mention kind, smart, ambitious, confident, incredibly brave, optimistic, realistic, honest, strong, independent, creative, talented, caring, fun, spontaneous, crazy........and a million other fanastic qualities. She has been the best friend to me, at a time when a lot of other people (some of whom I've known for longer) abandoned me and believed the worst about me. To even suggest that she follows me, that she cannot make up her own mind, that she needs me to guide her, that she is beneath me, that she is anything less than absolutely fucking awesome in her own right is absolutely ridiculous. That phone call was one of the funniest things that she has ever experienced, and didn't upset her in the slightest, nor was one seed of doubt sown in her mind. It's a credit to her that she knows who she is, better than the person who tried, and failed, to manipulate her. She has been seriously and almost unbelievably underestimated. And so have I, come to think of it. I love her unconditionally, I am in awe of her, I would die for her. And there is no doubt in my mind that she would do the same for me. It is because of her that I found the strength to face up to everything this year, and in many ways she has been my strength. She stood in front of me when I needed protection, and next to me when I needed strength. I am louder than she is most of the time, but that has nothing to do with anything. We flourish because of each other. Anyway, I don't even need to write any of this because true friendship cannot be destroyed, especially not by somebody as insecure, petty and fucking delusional as the desperate man who made that phone call (we appreciate the laughs though).

2009 began absolutely brilliantly, I must say. Although I had to work on New Year's Eve until 8, Frodo's murder mystery themed party was the best fun I've had in ages, and well worth the trek over to Deans Grange. Stella screamed when my emo leaned over and kissed me, having had no prior knowledge that there's something going on between us (whatever the hell that is). She promised not to do it again though. Speaking of Stella, I am amazed that she managed to go a whole year without drinking, but fair play to her. She got drunk once the clock struck twelve anyway, so I'm guessing she'll manage to make up for it this year! I love that crowd, they're all so fucking mellow and fun and silly. It wasn't the craziest party I've ever been to, but that was part of its' charm.


I headed over to my emo's house the following day, the first of this year, with the promise of a giant box of lego to play with and industrial tunes on the stereo. I got the music, but the lego was nowhere to be found. Having said that, he managed to keep his terrifying dog away from me, so I guess I can't really complain! We hung out all day, and then he cooked me dinner. It was simple spaghetti, and we drank giant bottles of Yazoo (that we had for breakfast also) with it, but it was all so simple and sweet that it almost melted my little black heart.. Anyway, later on that night, one thing led to another and I ended up popping his cherry so to speak. Although it certainly was so imperfect that it was perfect, I was worried he'd end up regretting it the next day. I was spoiled because my first time was so perfect, and I'd hate to ruin anybody else's (especially given the horror stories many of my guy buds have told me). But he was grand the next morning, and I must admit that it was quite difficult to leave him. I hate the thought of properly falling for somebody again, though, because it scares the shit out of me, not to mention that I'm leaving in less than two months. I had hot chocolate in town with Noodles, and then lunch with Derek (who I love to bits, but sadly hadn't seen in fucking ages) and then the former and I went shopping for new clothes for him. I ended up buying a Mighty Boosh hoodie cheap in Asha (the woman in there is so sound, she always compliments my clothes), which annoyed me slightly because I buy way too much boy clothing as it is! Still, it's a fucking cool hoodie that I am going to wear tonight no matter what anybody says!

Last night was a bit weird. I was supposed to be heading out for a bud's birthday, but she was too sick to go so we ended up gathering a random crowd of people together, getting drunk and dancing the night away. An 18-year-old called me "old" though, which pissed me right the way off! The night was weird, because Star was there with some of her buds, but I felt like they were judging everything I did. And she was none too pleased when I couldn't head back to hers for a session. The situation is complicated by the amount of people who are talking shit about me to her. I just wish she would listen to me, because I don't lie and have no reason to anyway! Anyway, we'll see...


Roll on the rest of 2009!

Song of 2008: Slipknot - Dead Memories (it was just so fitting)

Song of the day: Depeche Mode - A Pain That I'm Used To (for very personal reasons)