This week

I've wanted to write all week, but I just haven't had a fucking second to myself in which to do so! This week was insane. I hopped straight off the plane from York and did the radio show, worked, did some Christmas shopping, finished off my final assignment, handed it in, finished "Twilight", went to see "Twilight", worked more and finally went out last night for Christmas dinner and, of course to get wasted!

However, the most memorable moment of the entire week happened on Tuesday night, upstairs in a grungy tattoo parlour in Temple Bar. Niamh, Saz and I decided to get tattoos in York to commemorate our trip (and also because we are just that fucking impulsive), but everywhere was closed on our final day, so we had to do it when we got home instead. I rang up practically every place in Dublin from the newsroom on Tuesday (while Saz prepared her news broadcast for the day) and finally found a place that could fit us in. I must admit, when we arrived, my heart was in my mouth (especially because I had to go first). I knew what I wanted, an all-black heart on my shoulder. The tattoo artist tried to convince me to get half of it white, because of the pain of shading, but I refused. He asked me if I'd been hurt a lot, if I was a Goth, all the usual crap. I merely stated that it meant a lot to me, and it does. The pain was excruciating, like being sliced open again and again, and twenty minutes into it, my knuckles were white from gripping the chair, and I had tears running down my face. But I didn't care. I am so in love with it, that I cannot even put it into words. I think the tattoo artist put it best when he said that I seem to be made of scars, and that this is a scar that will be there forever. I quite like that analogy. Most people see it as a negative symbol, but for me it's positive. Saz got a tribal heart on her side, and Niamh got a huge tribal rose design on the back of her neck. Both of 'em look fucking awesome. It sounds stupid, but I don't regret it for a second. Life is for living, after all.

I can't believe I'm finished third year. I was dreading going back to college, because I was aware of how much pain and humiliation I was going to feel every day for fuck knows how long. Now that it's over, I cannot believe how well I did. I can't believe I survived. This semester was, by far, my best ever. For the first time, me and Saz weren't being held back, bullied, torn down or depressed. We were free to make friends with practically everyone, get our assignments in on time, go out and have FUN, go for things that we wouldn't normally have had the confidence to go for, etc, etc. We had the best time, and actually felt like we belonged. In the end, it was all worth it and I regret absolutely nothing. There is still shit going around about me (as is evident from Noodles' discussion with a chick from Bray on the Nitelink who has never met me, but has heard a lot...), but I couldn't care less. It's pretty pathetic at this stage. People can choose to believe whatever they want, but it certainly won't affect my life. Roll on Munich!

Last night was my Christmas dinner and drinks with Noodles and Scooby, two of my best buds in the world. Without them, this past year would've royally sucked. I would've been stuck with people who didn't really love me or get who I am, and I certainly wouldn't have had the courage to become the person I am today. I am truly, eternally grateful to them. I was in work yesterday until 3, and afterwards I legged it straight to town, got their presents, went back home, got ready and was back in town for half 7. It was a bit of a mad rush, but once we were sitting in Wagamamas with the conversation, wine and pressies flowing, I was grand. The food was amazing, and Noodles and I had naggins afterwards so we were well on our way before we made it to the bar.

Scooby was a bit down, because unfortunately there was a death in her family this week. I didn't really know what to say, I kinda suck in these situations, but I was there for her anyway. She headed home at 11 and we didn't force her to stay, because we understood that sometimes one just needs to wallow in that shit feeling. We met Frodo and Pingu (LOL) in the pub and proceeded to get absolutely wasted. I've been texting and MSNing P all week, and I wasn't sure whether he fancied me or was just weird like that, but once Frodo told me he did, I was terrified, thus glad of the amount of alcohol I had had! The other two left us alone (very obviously I might add) and we ended up hooking up during fucking "Last Christmas" which was cheesy, but will be a great memory forever more. And then we were hooking up the whole night and holding hands like a mad emo couple!! It was sweet and really good fun, but I was glad to be going home alone. I wish I could just settle into a relationship, but sadly that's the absolute last thing that I want right now. It sucks, cos I've got three people who really want to be with me (four counting one of my best buds, five counting the one who thinks we're meant to be together) and I love them all in different ways, but I couldn't devote myself purely to one... It just doesn't make sense to me right now, especially with Germany and all. It makes me feel like such a bitch sometimes because, even though I'm upfront about everything, I don't want anyone getting hurt. At the same time, this is the first time I'm getting a chance to do what I want. And it feels fantastic. I don't want to stop...being single is fucking awesome (although Scooby is way more of a player than I am)! Being over that stupid crush I had is great too, especially because he still thinks I want his pants!

I don't know what else I really have to say... This post is really long anyway, so I should probably stop soon. Man, I fucking love my tattoo...but I'm still in shock that I even got one... "Twilight" was a bit of a disappointment. I finished the book in four days so I could go see it, but Robert Pattinson kind of ruined it for me. I cannot fathom what everybody else sees in him! Well, that and the fact that I only recently discovered that the book is a metaphor for abstinence... Still, I think I'll see it again just to give it a fair go. And start the second book in the meantime, of course. I was in the queue in Asha, buying T-shirts for Noodles and Scooby, and this emo kid behind me was going on about Paramore and "Twilight". Not only did I feel about a hundred years old, I also felt like such a sap because me and Saz went to see Paramore last June and are obsessed with Hayley Williams, not to mention the aforementioned over-zealous interest in "Twilight" (we saw it the day it opened, at 11AM), a book aimed at 14-year-olds. Alas, at least we have the fact that we still look about 16 on our sides!

And with that happy thought in mind, I will end this post and head to my leaba. Busy day tomorrow, what with work and getting my Christmas dress (which my mother insisted on), shopping for pressies, etc, etc. I will be so glad when this week is over. I fucking hate Christmas.

Song of the day: Wham! - Last Christmas (of course)