This time next week...

...I will be hours away from seeing Slipknot and hopefully fucked off my face in preparation for The Prodigy!!

This week is still dragging. Hurry up, damn it!! I know it's Sunday, but still. The Feiertag tomorrow is going to be like another Sunday. Sundays are for sex, getting stoned, eating fantastic homemade dinners and recovering from the night before. That is all.

I've been writing my article all day but it's bollocks so now I'm taking a break to listen to some stuff and chat to some people. I keep sticking Radiohead on (surprise, surprise), cos of the gig last year. Ah, that was such a mad week. And everything has changed so much since then... Still, now I'm in fucking Munich so there is absolutely no cause for complaint! Except, of course, that this week is going by SO FUCKING SLOWLY.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. I'm just fucking procrastinating. Oh well.

I'm gonna give up on this article soon and watch All The Boys Love Mandy Lane. It's one of the best horror movies I've ever seen and the titular chick is so hot. Speaking of hot chicks, I've finally taken steps to sort things with Star. Finally. I'm kind of dreading going back to Dublin, actually...cos there's so much shit to sort out... Still, I guess I can't avoid it forever. I have to book flights soon, too. Shit. How can there only be two months left!? It's so unfair!

My sister, who is now obsessed with Tokio Hotel (who suck, no matter what anybody says), informed me that my mother now has new rules about who is allowed to stay over in my house, which is just fantastic. She's probably been told that some of my friends are bit on the bold side, but I didn't think she'd really mind with me still under her roof! I'll find some way around it. There are always ways to bend the rules. Or break them completely, for that matter.

I'm getting into EBM again after the awesomeness that is Refugium. I'd kind of gone off it for a while cos I was getting into really heavy metal stuff, but now it and goth are taking a front seat again, which I'm really glad about. Goth reminds me of being a really aggro teenager, and I still absolutely adore it, and EBM is just so much fucking fun and so interesting. I don't know how anybody just sticks to one genre of music. I'd go mental. And all of the musical eliteness shit is so boring too.

Although Noodles does give me shit for not being able to name all of the members of Slipknot...

Speaking of music, I've been checking out the new Manson album, The High End Of Low, and so far I've been pleasantly surprised. Eat Me, Drink Me was pretty good, but there weren't a lot of standout tracks for me. And when I saw them do it live, it was fairly lacking. This one is much more catchy and interesting, and they seem to be taking a lot more risks. I think Twiggy is back on this one too, although I might be wrong (musical eliteness again). I should look it up. Of course, I've loved Manson since I was a little rock child, so I guess I'm easily pleased. I'm looking forward to seeing them at RIP too, even though I was a bit disappointed last time. Maybe it'll be better this time, because the material is stronger. Either way, it'll be fun. I love the band, and I love the frontman and the theatrics of the stage show are just so much fun, so it'll be good.

I should really get back to writing this article...or start watching that film...

The next two days are going to be hectic but this one is DRAGGING by. Grr...


Song of the day: Marilyn Manson - Leave A Scar.

8 Days to RIP

This week is going by so fucking SLOWLY... I want it to be over so that it'll be the beginning of next week and I can finally start getting properly excited for Rock im Park and, of course, the emo's visit to awesome Munich. I cannot WAIT. Seriously, I can barely sit still in uni. The fact that next Monday (and sorta Tuesday too, as is tradition) is a Feiertag sucks because it's a day with nothing to do and nowhere to go. Maybe I'll do laundry. Or clean. Or write. I have an article - in German, naturally - due next Tuesday that I have yet to begin. I keep meaning to start it, and then I get caught up in...well, nothing really, I just get distracted by anything and everything. It's ridiculous.

And, of course, I am even more of a loony little maggot child this week because it is so soon until I see my beloved Slipknot live in concert again and I can hardly sit still!! I sorted things with my mother earlier in the week, which is a huge weight off my shoulders. And then she posted my All Hope Is Gone tee to me and I was even happier!!

I haven't taken it off since. I am that excited.

I haven't seen Slipknot in four years, which seems ridiculous. I was 17 when I saw them first. The gig was in the RDS and I dragged my best bud at the time, Tar (still great friends, despite a major bump in the road last year), with me to see them. My mother drove us. She wasn't impressed when I stuck Iowa (my absolute favourite album by Slipknot) on in the car, but I leapt out before she could stop me. The gig itself was amazing. I was one of only a handful of chicks present, let alone the only one in a skirt. I was picked up and thrown into the sound engineering area about a hundred times, but I just kept running back for more. And, of course, the "Zero Bullshit" (during Spit It Out, when everybody has to sit on the ground and then, on Corey's cue, jump into the air in unison) was fucking amazing. I got the live album about a year later and cried listening to it. It was one of the most fantastic gigs I have ever been to, I can remember everything about it, from what I wore, to how my hair looked, to how sore my throat was after, how bruised I was, how happy I was, how torn my fishnets were, how tiny Joey was behind the drum kit and how tall Jim was next to Corey, how everybody went "Aw" when we were told Clown wouldn't be there (I still don't get why, he sucks!), how fast my heart was beating as I lay in bed that night and tried to sleep... I don't think I'll ever forget it as long as I live.

And now, four years later, I am well overdue for another live performance from my favourite band. A lot of people hate them, or don't understand them, or disregard them, or whatever else. I adore them. I think their stuff is amazing. When I was an angry little teenager and I would sit and cut my arms up and cry my eyes out and wonder what the fuck was wrong with me and why I couldn't understand my own thoughts, Slipknot made me happy. They gave me hope. That sounds cheesy, I know, but it's the truth. They weren't even a gateway band, I loved much harder stuff at the time. I still do. I love softer stuff too. But Slipknot are unique as a band and they will always have a place in my heart. And their live show is fucking INCREDIBLE, it really is.

It sucks I haven't got any taller since the last time I saw them...and I'll probably just as stupidly leg it into the pits to get the shit kicked out of me, but it'll be fun anyway! The Prodigy are playing before them, and Machine Head before them. It's going to be amazing. I must get drugs for The Prodigy, actually. Shit. So much to do and so little time! I'm so glad I found people to camp with too! Okay, so two of them are American and they're all lads (of course) but that only makes it more fun. I seriously cannot wait. Hurry up week and be over!!


Song of the day: Slipknot - Psychosocial (live live live live live LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

Don't Panic

I just discovered a song I hadn't heard in ages, that used to help calm me down when I was 15 and suffering from what were the beginnings of depressive episodes. I used to cut and cry and scream and tear my hair out. I used to wonder why it had to happen to me. I don't wonder anymore. I know why now.

It's a song called Don't Panic by Coldplay, which is strange in itself because I kind of hate Coldplay as a band. I think they're highly overrated. And a poor man's Radiohead. Actually, no, more like a rich man's Radiohead come to think of it. I heard this particular song today and the lyrics caught me. They're not deep or thoughtful or anything special really. I just like the simplicity of them.

Oh, we're sinking like stones,
All that we fought for,
All those places we've gone,
All of us are done for.
We live in a beautiful world,
Yeah we do, yeah we do,
We live in a beautiful world.


Yeah, kind of depressing, I know. That is what I'm into, after all. Or so it would seem. Those lyrics just caught me today, I don't know why. Maybe they matched my mood, maybe they matched the weather...I dunno, I can't explain. They fit.

I'm writing this with the rain and wind pounding against that stupid orange shutter thing that doesn't really block out any light, but which I've become accustomed to after living here for over two months. It's strange how easy it is to get used to things. I can't imagine ever leaving this place, I really can't.

So, the weather is shit and I'm feeling like shit.

This week hasn't been easy. I'm having a huge argument with my mother, on the basis that she has once again favoured my brother over me and may or may not have given him permission to permanently take over my bedroom back home, leaving me invariably homeless.

Oh, No Surprises has come on while I'm in the middle of writing this.

This song always reminds me of falling asleep next to a friend of mine last summer. I hadn't slept in days, yet I was completely and utterly awake. I just remember we were facing each other with our eyes wide open. I can't remember seeing anything behind the other person's eyes, but I know something was showing behind mine because I shut them tightly as soon as I realised and I concentrated on the song and, eventually, I fell asleep. It was a very strange feeling, a very calm feeling. That song never ceases to calm me down. And I love being stoned to it. And falling asleep to it.

I don't know what to do about my mother. I wish she would just tell me the truth instead of stringing me along, because if this is happening then I need to figure out what the hell I'm going to do when I return home. If I even have a home anymore.

This fucking sucks.


Song of the day: Coldplay - Don't Panic.

Praha

I'm still absolutely exhausted from the weekend, but I'm writing this before all of the details go out of my head. I should write in my journal too. Shit.

After chancing my arm with the Student Agency bus company via a number of persistent emails, I managed to get Saz and I on the bus to Prague on Friday afternoon. This plan was made the night before, despite the fact that everybody else who was going had booked it well in advance and was heading down there on Thursday night. That didn't bother me though, I was just glad to have a place.

We set off bright and early on Friday morning and, after a five hour bus journey that included several free hot chocolates and the nicest Czech stewardess in the history of the world, we arrived in beautiful Prague. It took us quite a while to decipher the Metro and Tram lines, seeing as everything was in Czech and nobody seemed to have any idea what we are talking about when we asked for help. As a result, we arrived at our hostel around 10PM and there was only time for a quick dinner before we collapsed into bed.

Did I mention we didn't understand the currency? We foolishly thought they used Euro in the Czech Repulic. They don't. Nothing like seeing 188KC as a bill for one's food only to discover that's actually less than a tenner...

Saturday began bright and early. We discovered the others were, thankfully, staying in the same hostel as us, which made things a hell of a lot easier. Unfortunately, they'd seen most of what the city had to offer the day before. Thus, we ended up wandering around in the heat, shopping, climbing hills and looking through monasteries for most of the day. Oh, and eating of course. We had four Italians with us who refused to eat any so-called Italian food, which kind of sucked, but the company was great and we spoke lots and lots of German.

That night, we went to Prague's most famous nightclub, which boasted five floors with a different genre of music being played on each. After much running about and sampling, a load of us settled on the Revival room, which not only had a Night Fever-esque light up dancefloor, but cheap cocktails, cheesy music and the best crowd in the entire place. We did a conga line to the Ghostbusters theme tune and threw ourselves around to Kiss. It was amazing. Saz almost pulled a Swiss lad, who, surprisingly enough, was bearded!

Seeing as it was my first sober night out in ages, I was surprised by how much fun I had, which sounds a bit fucked up now that I've written it down, but it's the truth. We ended up back at the hostel around 6AM, leaving the others just an hour to get their stuff together and catch the bus back to Munich. Saz and I slept for a bit. I sleepwalked to the bathroom while yelling that the police were coming for me. I didn't mean to wake her up. I think I was just recovering from being stopped at the border and having every single thing in my bag gone through purely because I laughed when I was asked if I had any drugs on me...ahem.

Anyway, we left our bags at the hostel and spent Sunday wandering the streets in the sunshine, buying random shit and getting lost. Although the city itself is really beautiful, the poverty outside of the touristy centre is quite shocking. I think I've just got used to Munich though. Speaking of which, I really, really missed this place when I was gone, which seems a bit weird.

We had dinner in an Irish pub and discussed Berlin with the barmaid, who said I looked like I'd enjoy it there (I'm not going to disagree with her). They kept giving us more vodka, which in the Czech Republic means we drank A LOT before we had to head back and get the bus. And we got lost. Again. At 11PM in Prague. Of course, everything worked out in the end. We made it to our bus on time and settled down for the five hour journey. I stuck on In Rainbows with the intention of sleeping for most of it, but of course I only dozed. Even so, the journey itself was quite painless and quick. We arrived back in Munich to rain, and were in our flats by 7AM. Unfortunately, we had to get up within a few hours to go and meet our German lecturer from back home. Luckily, that went quite well too! Apparently my German has improved!

Overall, Prague was amazing and the trip itself was worth all of the hassle I went to the night before. I also managed to get probably the best present ever for the emo. I cannot wait to give it to him. We missed the Eurovision, but I hear Norway won.

There are only two weekends left until the emo gets here and I am beginning to get so excited, even though I still have a hell of a lot to do before then. Dylan is coming to see me this weekend, too, which should be fun. I hope.

There's probably lots of shit I'm forgetting to put in here... Oh well, I'm still too tired to think straight. It was fucking worth it though. Wow.


Song of the day: The B52s - Love Shack.

The Blister Exists

Munich really feels like home now, which is weird because lately I've been having vivid dreams about Dublin...besides that nerdy one I had about Slipknot. Oh god. I can hear myself going on and on about Slipknot all the time, and I know I'm giving off a mad maggot vibe, but I'm just so excited about seeing them next month that I can't hold the words in my mouth! It's like last summer, with Radiohead (who are headlining Reading and Leeds, which pisses me right the way off), but also kind of different because nothing will ever compare to the excitement I felt prior to that gig...and during it... Fuck. That was the best gig I've ever been to in my life.

Anyway, Rock im Park is going to kick so much ass. That goes without saying. But before that happens, I have a million other things to do and see. Last Saturday, I went with Charley and Claire to Augsburg on a poorly organised MESA day trip. MESA are very helpful and full of ideas, but they absolutely suck at organising shit. Their Berlin trip was a glorified piss-up, which usually suits me down to the ground, but being dragged to the wall directly after six hours on a bus wouldn't have been my idea of fun. Speaking of Berlin, I'm heading there the first weekend in July for a weekend of metal clubs (fingers crossed!), shopping, sightseeing, and, of course, drinking. Everything I do has a rock 'n' roll edge. Or so I've been told. Usually I'm just doing whatever I feel like at the time!

Augsburg was an amazing place. It's one of the oldest towns in Bavaria, and really really beautiful and traditional as a result. The weather was gorgeous. We walked around for hours on a tour of the town and then relaxed afterwards in a beer garden with some traditional Bavarian food and big pints of Radler's (which is the only beer I can stomach). Having said all of that, I was glad to return to the noise and excitement of Munich. I'd hate to be on Erasmus in some quiet place with nothing to do. I definitely belong in the city, wherever that city may be.

We got home pretty late and I didn't have long to get ready before we headed out. My computer has had a virus for the past fortnight, so I wasn't able to read emails or anything like that. The emo tried to help me fix it, and eventually did the other day thankfully. I don't know what I'd do without him sometimes. Anyway, I was looking forward to getting out of my room and my broken computer so that I could forget about it for a bit. We went to an international party, in the Landestag. It was fairly exclusive and secret, but of course once we got in we realised that it was just another glorified basement. The decorations included Disney princesses on the walls, paper corsages on columns and a big Spongebob poster on the door, that proclaimed "The Party Is Here!!". We instantly knew we were in for a good night. Oh, and the drinks were free.

So, we stocked up and hit the dance floor. Charley and the other Brits left pretty early, so Saz and I hung out with a few of our favourite lads all night. My Swede was drunk and, as a result, very happy to see me. He's so beautiful, I could just stare at him all the time.. I wish he weren't taken, but he's really good fun regardless. Marcus, our new Dutch bud from uni, was there too. He was happier than I've ever seen him before, and yelled out "Woooooo!" every few minutes. And then there was Josh, who we partied with at the last Stammtisch (weekly party that either rules or sucks), who was even drunker than me and, as a result, pulled me towards the end of the night. I don't usually hook up with friends, but seeing as we were both hammered and it meant nothing, I'm not really going to count it. It was fun though. Although Erasmus is kind of incestuous. Marina hooked up with him before, after all. Speaking of her, it sucked she wasn't there. But, then again, things are kind of weird between her and Gill right now. I'm just glad she didn't go to the Candy Club (Munich's best gay bar) without me.

My time over here seems to be flying by all of a sudden. The weeks are just disappearing. And the weekends are filling up quicker than I thought possible. This weekend, a group of us are heading to Prague. Next weekend, I think Dylan might be coming to visit. If not, it'll be the weekend after that. The first weekend in June is Rock im Park. The weekend after, I'm heading to Vienna to visit Tar. The weekend after that, Niamh is coming to visit. If not that weekend, the one after. The first weekend in July, we're heading to Berlin. And then there will only be two left before we head home! Oh, and my mother and sister are coming to visit at some stage too. Although I still have no idea when. Or what the hell I'll do with them when they get here.

I can't decide whether or not to go to Metallica the day after I get home. The gig last summer was fucking amazing, and I'd love to see them again, but the tickets are expensive and the support bands aren't the best. Of course, if Slipknot or Korn were to replace Lamb of God (who pulled out the other day) I would be there in a second, even though I'm seeing them both at RIP. Shit, I'm soooo excited about RIP... It's going to be AMAZING!! I love festivals. Download the past two years has been awesome, but this summer is kicking last year's ass big time already, and the festival will be no exception. When I first heard that I'd be on Erasmus during my summer hols, it pissed me off, but now I think it's awesome! I'd hate to be heading home already. Munich feels like home. I just found out that Rammstein are playing the Olympiahalle here in November. I would LOVE to come back for that gig, even just for one night. I already can't imagine leaving this place...I love it so much...

The emo sent me another package, which I received yesterday. I nearly screamed when I found a copy of Kerrang! inside. As a music magazine, it's fairly lacking, but the writing is still pretty good. There was a great Cristina Scabbia interview in it that I just loved. The journalist set the scene so well, but not in that annoying self-involved kind of way that certain others do. I read it twice, I loved it so much. And she's so beautiful. If I could be anyone, I'd be her. And she's so down to earth and intelligent and natural. And she's going out with Jim Root! As somebody who tends to fall for the freaks, I can totally relate to her choice of man (although he is very handsome). The emo also sent some chocolate and a few episodes of my favourite silly MTV reality show, which was very very sweet of him. Best of all, posters of Kaya Scodelario, Vikki Blows and Kat Von D. Mmm... The emo is the sweetest guy I've ever met. And yet he still has enough of an edge for me. I just hope I don't end up disappointing him...

I should get some writing done before uni.

Here's a pic of Jim and Cristina that I think is adorable. Enjoy.

Song of the day: Slipknot - Prelude 3.0.

I'm in conniptions For the final act You came here for The one derivative You manage is the One I abhor I need a minute to elaborate For everyone the Everyday bullshit things That you have done Your impossible ego Fuck is like a Megalomaniacal tab On my tongue You fuckin' touch me I will rip you apart I'll reach in and take A bite out of that shit You call a heart I don't mind being Ogled, ridiculed, made to feel miniscule; If you consider the source It's kinda pitiful The only thing you really you know about me is... That's all you'll ever know I know why you blame me I know why you blame yourself I know why you plague me I know why you plague yourself I'm turning it around Like a knife in the shell I wanna understand why But I'm hurting myself I haven't seen a lot of reasons To stop it I can't just drop it I'm just a bastard But at least I admit it At least I admit it I know why you blame me I know why you blame yourself I know why you plague me I know why you plague yourself Kill you, fuck you, I will never be you Kill you, fuck you, I will never be you I can't fucking take it anymore A snap of the synapse And now it's fuckin war Kill you, fuck you, I will never be you I know why you blame me I know why you blame yourself I know why you plague me I know why you plague yourself I know why you blame me I know why you blame yourself I know why you plague me I know why you plague yourself

Piss-ups

Another Friday morning, another inglorious hangover. Made worse by the fact that I wasn't the one being carried home this time. This morning, I did something I very rarely do when hungover - I went running. And, to my great surprise, it worked a treat and now, showered and refreshed with over a litre of water drank in the space of two hours, I feel fantastic. So I am blogging. Oh, the excitemenet.

Last night, Saz and I took advantage of the fact that Charley was heading to see Enter Shikari (don't get me started) and decided to go out, after a long, tortuous week, and get pissed. We love going out with her, but she tends to crash around 2 while we prefer to pull all-nighters and crawl home around 6. Anyway, we headed to the "Thirsty Thursday Party", held in a glorified basement on a weekly basis and attended by anybody and everybody who has foreign blood in them (and some random Germans, too). It's become fairly obvious to me by now that these Erasmus parties, thrown by MESA ("Woooooo!! We're gonna have so much FUN!! Now, write your number down here for when you need to be carried home later"), are nothing more than piss-ups. Which suits me down to the ground. Nobody bothers getting dressed up, everybody is wasted and the music is usually decent.

Last Friday, we dragged our asses all the way to Olywood (or Olympia, to give it its' not so cool name) to go to a bigger party than usual, held in a bigger venue than usual. Of course, everybody got trashed. We started off with free welcome shots that were basically vodka and sherbet. Charley and I danced on a platform while men tried to look up our skirts. I had my first ever shot of tequila with the Swede. Saz broke the American's glasses (then we discovered later that they weren't broken...or something). Charley met yet ANOTHER American who fancied the pants off her. Saz ended up grinding with the Jock (who we all agreed is decent looking, but a spa). And I ended up outside, freezing my ass off again, discussing anything and everything with the American. I should really stop disappearing at these things. People are beginning to ask questions. I also met an Irish lad from Drogheda who I later helped distinguish between the ladies' and men's toilets through a drunken haze. He was very grateful. That night was epic. Last night was...different.

To start with, Saz hadn't eaten for hours prior to our pre-drinks. So she was much further along than me. I tried to catch up, but in the end I was glad I didn't. Very few of our friends were there, so we ended up making new ones. Josh, another American and one of Charley's many admirers, was particularly memorable. He managed to dance when he could barely stand. As for my American; Saz dragged him along for a bit, taunted him and tried to steal his hat. I told him I liked his shirt and then didn't see him again for the rest of the night. Bit weird, that one. But, then again, it's not surprising seeing as I tend to attract the freaks.

Towards the end of the night, when everybody started disappearing off home, I found Saz in the arms of this Brazilian lad who, it's common knowledge, has a thing for her. She doesn't feel the same way, she finds him irritating and repulsive. However, she was clearly off her head and he was forcing another beer down her neck. So, through my drunken haze, I told her that I'd wait until she was done and then we'd go. Unfortunately, she took this badly and ran off. And then collapsed at the edge of the dancefloor. I spent the next half hour stroking her hair while she lay in my lap, and telling her it'd be okay, all the time watching the same Brazilian dancing away in front of me like he hadn't a care in the world. Thus, when he approached me even later on, I told him where to go. And he started yelling and swearing at me that he was the one who really cared, not me. That's one of my least favourite things about men, or macho men in particular, they refuse to admit when they are wrong. Once I got rid of him, I took her to be sick.

While waiting outside, freaking out of course because we'd missed the last U-Bahn and the first one wasn't for two hours, I was approached by two Israeli lads and a girl from somewhere in eastern Europe. They told me they would help. I was cautious, of course, not knowing them, but there was nobody around and I had no other choice but to trust them. They ended up being very sweet and helpful. One of them paid for a taxi home, and the other helped me carry her down the street to the taxi. And then, as if we weren't lucky enough, we got the nicest taxi driver in the history of the world. He told Saz to shout if she needed to be sick and he'd pull over, and once she'd nodded off, he stuck some '80s on the radio for me and we had a good aul' chat. I realised my German isn't so bad after all.

After I'd settled Saz into bed, made sure she was lying on her side, etc, I headed home and lay awake in bed listening to music for what seemed like hours, thinking everything over. I mainly listened to the Metallica concert from last summer (thanks, Noodles) and got goosebumps remembering how amazing it was. I love Munich, and it feels like home now, but I miss Dublin terribly at times. The smell of it, even. I hate the smell of the brewery, but now that I can't smell it anymore, I miss it!

It's funny, because last night was nothing more than a regular Erasmus piss-up, but I learned a lot from it, about friendship, about the kindness of strangers, the callousness of certain men... I probably sound really pretentious right now, but I'm not trying to be. Every time I write in here about Munich, I feel like I've learned something new about myself, people and life in general. I suppose I shouldn't have expected anything less. I was told this would be a life-changing experience, and it is. At least, so far.

I can't believe I've been here two months tomorrow...shit...

Anyway, enough self-searching and philosophical rambling for today.

I cannot wait to rock out tomorrow night. Finally. If I have to sit through another evening of indie, I am going to DIE.


Song of the day: Metallica - Nothing Else Matters.