So little fucking time

I should be finding more time to write in here, given that I've only days left till I head home, but with the amount of things I have to squeeze into such a short space of time, that's become nearly impossible.

Right now, I'm taking a break from packing my massive suitcase (emblazoned with stars, the sister to Saz's heart suitcase) to write that I'm feeling...really, really...numb.

None of this seems real, because, when I first arrived here, I never thought that the five months would go by so quickly, let alone end...

Looking back on all of it, I'm filled with this fear of not having done enough, which is ridiculous! I mean, over the course of five months, I've spent time not only in Munich but in Prague, Augsburg, Nuremberg, Vienna, Berlin... I mean, I've really lived over here. I managed to work out every single day, do aerobics three times a week with Charley (the only woman more comfortable speaking frankly about herself than me), attend university, party till I puked, attend a rock festival, meet loads of wonderful people from all over the world and, of course, grow even closer to one of my best friends (even though we drove each other crazy at times). I can't believe I have to give all of that up now and return to my so-called "real" life.

My mother apparently cannot WAIT to see me. That is, until she sees my hair and third tattoo. Oh, and I break something! Or touch something, for that matter... She has decided that the emo is not allowed in our house anymore, which pisses me off no end. Sometimes she just won't listen to reason, but I know where she's coming from. Any man I get close to (besides Noodles, who is her favourite) is scrutinised because she is so terrified for me (and with good reason). Maybe even more scared than I am. Luckily for her, being in a relationship is the last thing I want to do right now. Still, she's a good mother and a decent human being. I just hope I'll be treated as an adult when I return. Especially since she has a new boyfriend who I have yet to meet...

I've probably grown up more over the past year than in the five years previous to that. I just hope it's recognised when I get back to Dublin.

I can't believe I have to leave this place, this apartment...it feels like home...

I wonder how I'll feel when I've to step out of here for the last time. I hope I don't cry, but I probably will.

I've a lot waiting for me back home, not all of it good. But I can take it. Finally.


Song of the day: Marilyn Manson - WOW.

I'm in pain (the good kind)

So, I got tattooed today (third one) and it hurt like hell but I'm really happy with it so no complaints here! I've been bandaged up all day long, and I'm dreading having to peel all the crap off and put cream on it cos it's stinging like crazy... Has to be done though.

I love getting tattooed. It hurts so much but it's really good fun too, in a strange way. It's so different to getting pierced, because that is over so quickly and the adrenaline rush is almost immediate. Getting tattooed is different; the pain lasts and the rush comes a bit later. But, in a lot of ways, it's more fun. And in a lot of ways it isn't!

The guy who was doing it today was lovely too, although trying to explain what I wanted in German was kind of difficult. I'm glad I did it though, my confidence has been boosted.

Speaking of tatts, here's a pic of my fave tattooed chick of all time, Kat Von D. Just because.


Yeah, Kat is awesome. I dunno how she got so many tatts done, though, especially because she apparently doesn't take the pain too well. The next one I get is going to be (hopefully) at the end of summer, but it's going to be on my wrist so I'll have to build up to it quite a lot. I think I'll head back to the place I got my first tattoo, even though it was slightly dodgy the people were a lot nicer than the second place I went to...

I love tattoos...

The one I got today represents love of women and love of fetish, which sounds like bullshit but those are two things that are very important to me. I'm really happy with how it turned out. I think I'm gonna go take off these bandages and coo over it a bit... No photos yet because it's too tender and looks quite disgusting at the moment. But soon!

Speaking of love of women, Evan Rachel Wood naked is PERFECTION.




Song of the day: Special K - Placebo.

I hate Facebook

That's pretty much a given. I think it sucks, and I only have it cos of Erasmus. Anyway, one of the things I hate most about it, is that people keep popping up as "someone you might know". I'm currently involved in some sort of bullshit argument with a friend, over what is basically conjecture. People hear bad shit about me and tend to believe it, don't ask me why. I guess it's easier to hate me. Now this person keeps popping up, as if to say "Fix this!!" but I don't really fancy getting into another fight right now, so for now I'll just ignore it. Or get annoyed every time the photo pops up. Or both. Usually I don't fight with my friends. If we piss each other off, it's discussed and we apologise and get over it. This time, it's different because, as per usual, other people get involved (people who are not fans of mine) and then everything gets blown out of proportion.. Honestly, sometimes I wish I could live under a rock. But that wouldn't be as much fun.

I saw Harry Potter last night and it was fucking AWESOME. There wasn't as much action as the other films, but that's to be expected because the book was so dark. That's what I loved about it though. And the film adapted it really, really well. I don't know who directed it, but whoever it was did a damn good job. It was a good night too, because me and Saz were out with some buds from uni (one of whom is an actual GERMAN, we call him Zorro) which was really good fun. I even managed to choke down a beer, granted it was Becks Green Lemon, in true Munich style!!

Oh, and I discovered the wonders of sweet popcorn, thanks to the Brit who accompanied us to Bruno earlier in the week. Lot of cinema trips this week. Funny, seeing as I'll probably never see another film in that cinema again...

After the film, me and Saz headed home only to discover the U had stopped for the night. We got a Tram to Karlsplatz and another to a street about a half hour from where we live, where there's a great rock club called Backstage. The plan was to get a taxi, but of course at 3AM in the middle of nowhere, there wasn't a hope in hell of that happening and, long story short, we ended up walking home. It took a surprisingly short amount of time, but we were quite terrified the entire time. We stopped at a petrol station (the only one we saw the entire time) and were hit on by old German men. I pretended to be brave, for Saz's sake, but in reality I was shitting it. I don't really know why, either, because Munich is a far safer city than Dublin.

Everything is winding down, and I'm starting to think back over my time here which is making me nostalgic for this place before I've even left it! Sounds crazy, I know, but it's true. Next week is my last full week here and I am dreading it coming to an end. Even uni, which is a bit of a joke over here, is going to be sad on the last day.

Fuck, I need to sleep...

I dunno how I went running this morning. I must have more in common with the Germans than I thought...


Song of the day: Lily Allen - The Fear.

This is what they call structured procrastination..

All right, it isn't really. Really I'm just sick of reading about fucking Bosnia-Herzegovina and their stupid media laws and the million wars they've had over territory... I need a fucking break, and this is it. I had one earlier too. It involved grocery shopping and was a lot more fun than it sounds. Grocery shopping in Germany is very different to how it is back home. In Ireland, we love a good aul' chat (okay not me, I tend to look quite angry, but other people) so shopping involves talking to the lady on the register, while having our bags packed for us, and searching for money in a wallet that is usually empty after one-too-many Butler's hot chocolates or vodka and Cokes. It's a lovely experience, one I sort of miss now that I haven't had it in so long.

I used to love running into Superquinn during my night shift in work and buying stupid shit to eat, like Koka noodles and Muller yogurts with chocolate balls on the side (that should have an umlaut on the u, but I still can't figure out how to anything but fadas - stupid computer). I loved the Fastlane, I loved watching little old ladies tottering about, I loved when I had to buy condoms and couldn't find them and had to send my workmate in to locate the aisle so that I could then go back in and very smoothly purchase a pack as if I did so all the time. It was glorious, as the Americans would say.

And then there's Germany, where if you don't throw your stuff into the bag at breakneck speed while simultaneously finding money and handing it to the disapproving bitch on the till (the only till that's open), you might as well shoot yourself right then and there. It's like a race, every single time. And I still have no idea why. I suck at it too, especially when I have to buy jars of shit. I am much too clumsy to be handling glass jars. Only last week I fell down a fucking hill and wrecked my shopping (and my drainpipes). Not my finest hour, but it was hilariously funny. Anyway, shopping today was all right cos I was buying random food items, such as an avocado and a jar of mayo, in order to make an at-home conditioner treatment for my ridiculously damaged hair. Lately, I've been freaking out that it's falling out. I'm told that it isn't, but I swear it is.

So, since my straw-like hair is beyond the help of traditional conditioners, I'm going to do something a bit more DIY. (Details of how horribly it goes wrong in a future post). I'm not really looking forward to putting eggs, mayo, avocado, bananas and honey in my hair...but desperate times and all that.

I am still on a Kevin Smith kick. To Jersey!!

I'm a bit disappointed because I didn't get quite as drunk as I intended last Saturday, despite the free drinks on offer, but the guy DJing was a friend so he played lots of stuff for me (including Limp Bizkit) so I was fairly happy. Me and Claire danced the night away while Saz ran about drunkenly as only Saz can do while still remaining upright (I fell a few hundred times). I only have two weekends left here and I'm getting really impatient. I want something amazing to happen, and I can feel that it will, but so far nothing... Soon enough, I'm going to be running around looking for reports from lecturers to prove that I did something besides partying and travelling over here, and then there won't be any time left for anything!

I'm supposed to be going to some German dude's house later on to work on this presentation. I wonder how impressed he's going to be when I tell him that I've been sitting around all day listening to Siouxsie instead of doing any work... Maybe I should be working right now...

Oh, how my mind wanders...


Song of the day: Siouxsie - About To Happen.

Time is moving much too fast

I'm sooo fucking tired and this week is flying by, as is expected from my last month here. Fuck, now it's less than a month. Fuck. I'm starting to freak out about all of the things I still want to see and do here, because I have very little money and time left. Saz and I took a walk earlier on through Marienplatz and Odeonsplatz all the way to uni, while we had the time. We walked the same way with her American (Milco) and the Canadians (Stan and Paddy) the weekend before last, but it was at three in the morning so we didn't get to see much. We saw more today, it was awesome. Although the city is beautiful late at night too, because it gets so quiet, very unlike Dublin or London. I'm going to miss it so much when I leave.

I was in Berlin this past weekend and it kicked major ass. It was thirty degree heat the entire time, we saw loads of historical stuff, ate some fantastic food (including a delish Mexican restaurant I wished I could've taken Scooby to) and partied the night away at one of the most famous rock clubs. The Brits went home early (snore) but Saz and I stayed till they kicked us out, thus having more time to drool over the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my life (Freddy from Sweden, lead singer of a band called The Durango Riot who actually aren't half bad), meet a chick from Galway, drink lots, and dance as much as possible before the sun came up. It was fantastic. Of course, we had to go sightseeing all day on Sunday but it was totally worth it! The Jewish memorial was really worth seeing too, it's so moving, so I didn't really mind being exhausted.

On Saturday we went shopping and found this great place called Who Killed Bambi (best name ever) where Saz and I were in fashion heaven. She found an amazing, 80s style shift dress and I found a bag with Siouxsie on it that I haven't been able to stop admiring since. It cost me food money for the week, but I don't care because I've never seen anything like it and am completely in love with it. I mean, what could be better than Siouxsie's face on a bag?! That's right, nothing.

I really fell in love with Berlin. It was totally worth the nine hour bus journey each way and the money I didn't have but spent anyway! The fashion was amazing and it had a much more alternative feel to it than Munich, which is fairly conservative. There were also the most beautiful alternative men there that I have ever seen. I could've licked them, they were so gorgeous. Kinda sucks being back here now, where there is a distinct lack of rock boys and girls. But it feels like home, so I'll shut up complaining.

Saz has been in an exceptionally good mood lately because of her Milco, but is dreading the thought of going home. I am too, to a certain extent but I also feel that, by the time the next three and a half weeks are up, I'll feel ready to head back anyway. I definitely could've done a year over here, and I'm really pissed that I didn't get a chance to, but five months has been great anyway and I'm quite sad that it's almost over.

I've been writing lots and lots lately, and reading Kevin Smith's book religiously. It makes me laugh and cry and want to watch his movies over and over (which I have been). Uni over here is a bit of a joke, so I haven't had to do too much work thankfully. Having said that, hopefully the lecturers will be generous with the ECTS points or else I'm screwed! I've learned so much about myself over here, I've grown up so much. I don't want it to end because I feel like there is so much left to do...

Still, Dublin awaits I suppose. My beautiful Dublin.. I miss it so, but I've a feeling I'm going to miss Munich just as much once I leave. I must get an I love Munich tee before I leave, to match my Camden one. I would've got one in Berlin, but the Siouxsie bag took almost all of my shopping money (I don't care, it was worth it). I did get a green leopard print sundress for a fiver and skull pumps for a tenner though, which kicked major ass. I've been picking up postcards in all of the cities I've visited, too, so I got one of those. Ah, Berlin was so much fun....I miss it... Especially cos the weather fucking sucks here right now. What happened to the summer!?

Food time. Man it's going to be weird not cooking for myself anymore...


Song of the day: Puscifer - Momma Sed (Ohio introduced me to this band, side project of that man from Tool, a band I kinda hate, and I really really like em).