So little fucking time

I should be finding more time to write in here, given that I've only days left till I head home, but with the amount of things I have to squeeze into such a short space of time, that's become nearly impossible.

Right now, I'm taking a break from packing my massive suitcase (emblazoned with stars, the sister to Saz's heart suitcase) to write that I'm feeling...really, really...numb.

None of this seems real, because, when I first arrived here, I never thought that the five months would go by so quickly, let alone end...

Looking back on all of it, I'm filled with this fear of not having done enough, which is ridiculous! I mean, over the course of five months, I've spent time not only in Munich but in Prague, Augsburg, Nuremberg, Vienna, Berlin... I mean, I've really lived over here. I managed to work out every single day, do aerobics three times a week with Charley (the only woman more comfortable speaking frankly about herself than me), attend university, party till I puked, attend a rock festival, meet loads of wonderful people from all over the world and, of course, grow even closer to one of my best friends (even though we drove each other crazy at times). I can't believe I have to give all of that up now and return to my so-called "real" life.

My mother apparently cannot WAIT to see me. That is, until she sees my hair and third tattoo. Oh, and I break something! Or touch something, for that matter... She has decided that the emo is not allowed in our house anymore, which pisses me off no end. Sometimes she just won't listen to reason, but I know where she's coming from. Any man I get close to (besides Noodles, who is her favourite) is scrutinised because she is so terrified for me (and with good reason). Maybe even more scared than I am. Luckily for her, being in a relationship is the last thing I want to do right now. Still, she's a good mother and a decent human being. I just hope I'll be treated as an adult when I return. Especially since she has a new boyfriend who I have yet to meet...

I've probably grown up more over the past year than in the five years previous to that. I just hope it's recognised when I get back to Dublin.

I can't believe I have to leave this place, this apartment...it feels like home...

I wonder how I'll feel when I've to step out of here for the last time. I hope I don't cry, but I probably will.

I've a lot waiting for me back home, not all of it good. But I can take it. Finally.


Song of the day: Marilyn Manson - WOW.