I don't want to fall in love...with you

What a strange few days it has been. I really should've got more work done. Oh well, life is for living after all! God everybody must be so sick of that philosophy. I think my new one will be "Shit happens" or some other rubbish. Yup.

I was sitting on the bus home earlier this evening, listening to Corey Taylor's excellent cover of Chris Isaak's classic love song Wicked Game, when I realised that, as much as I like to deny it, I am absolutely crazy about my little emo. I know, I know, I've spent the last few months pretending like it's just a physical thing, or that I don't believe in love anymore, or whatever. But when it comes down to it, I really do adore him and his mad little head.

And it's not just because we had such a lovely day together, not to mention a great date on Saturday, or because his mother loves and accepts me, or his little sis tries to impress me with her knowledge of alternative culture, or that all of my friends adore him or that he thinks I'm the most gorgeous girl in the world and makes me feel it every second we're together...or that he's so handsome and so kooky and he makes me laugh and... Okay, scratch that, there are lots of reasons why I adore him. But there are just these moments when I realise it and could not and would not want to deny how fantastic it is.

I ran into a chick from college on the street earlier, and I'm pretty sure she thought me and the emo were going out because we were holding hands at the time. I hate holding hands, it reminds me of a time when I bought into the idea that love was all I needed (despite giving giving giving and getting very little in return), but I let him hold my hand every now and again because he loves it. Bless his heart, he is a true romantic. He got paid a ridiculous amount of money today and, after getting himself lots of new comics, a Slipknot wallet and a Mighty Boosh tee, he surprised me in Sub City with a copy of the third instalment of Scott Pilgrim Versus The World (soon to be a film starring the adorable Michael Cera in the lead role). I melted, which gave the comic book guy a good laugh. "Nothing more romantic than buying a girl a comic book" he quipped. I assured him I thought it very romantic.

There are times, when he goes on and on about nerdy shit like Final Fantasy and gothic comic books and trolling on YouTube, that I just sit back and drink his words in, feeling so unbelievably grateful to have somebody who not only loves to talk as much as me, but loves to listen too. Because he listens to all of my bullshit. And, according to him, he loves to hear it. Which is very different for me, at least with a love interest. Friends are different, of course. Friends bullshit with each other all the time. Noodles and I have been known to sit in Butler's for hours, discussing anything and everything over an endless supply of hot chocolates. But this is different. Very different.

Oh this is turning into such a mushy blog... I don't even know where any of this in coming from, because fuck knows I am not ready to settle down just yet. I still believe in monogamy, of course, but a relationship is going to be a huge deal for me. And I want to be sure, I want it to be right. But if there is anybody who can convince me, it is him.

Now let's pretend this side of me never reared its' mushy little head!!! Ahem.


Song of the day: Stone Sour - Wicked Game.