I have way too many thoughts at once

So, I'm back in what passes for my home these days. It feels weird, but that's only to be expected.

I was away for almost a week after a ridiculous row with my mother. I then felt terrible for setting a bad example for my younger, much wiser sister and urged her not to do the same. I went to Wicklow, where I so often find myself, and stayed with two of my best friends, alternating between their houses so as not to overstay my welcome. Both sets of parents were away, so it was a pretty easy job. Nobody knew, or cared, where I was so I got some time alone with my buds to try to sort out my head. My mother texted after two days and I told her I needed some time.

When I arrived home earlier this evening, I found a stick of rock on my bed which read "Gift from Bray". It was odd in more ways than one.

I tried Absinthe for the first time the other night and it was disgusting. Luckily, the emo had enough drugs and Noodles had enough Merlot to get me out of my mind each and every night I was away, so the icky green stuff wasn't really needed (although I still drank it).

I managed to get a shitload of music while I was there too, including a Radiohead live album that is beyond awesome. I'm told I talk about Radiohead too much, especially about their gig last summer. I don't intend to stop any time soon (mostly because I don't think I'd be able to) but I will say that Slipknot at Rock im Park came very close to being even better than that particular gig. I managed to get the full video of them playing at Rock am Ring, so I'll probably end up blogging about that in the near future. A lot.

Oh, and let's not forget my obsession with '80s goth. Siouxsie, in particular, is rocking my world right now. I listened to her the whole way back to Dublin earlier on. I love her so much, both her solo stuff and the shit with the Banshees. I want to get a Siouxsie tee, a big one that I can cut up and turn into a dress (much like my oversized Enslaved tee that I sadly left in Noodles') but I'm limited by the designs. I may just give in and buy one next week so I've something awesome to wear for my sort of makeshift welcome back thing, but I dunno yet.

That paragraph was so irrelevant.

I was walking past Topshop earlier and fell in love with a black dress in the window. Of course, knowing their prices, I won't be able to afford the hanger it's displayed on. But I can dream. It'll be nice to have money again soon. But for the moment, I can't buy anything that is not absolutely necessary, which sucks. Although vodka will definitely be the exception.

I'm going to a barbecue with all of the emo's family on Sunday and I am TERRIFIED. People's parents generally don't like the look of me, nor do they like the sound of my voice or my general attitude. Parents think I'm a bit of a loose cannon, and that I'll corrupt their kids, which is a fair assessment I suppose.. But I'm a nice enough person once you get past the way I look. Noodles' dad referred to me and the emo the other day as "Two goths who came to the door - a blonde girl and some sort of...thing" which I found highly amusing.

I fear that the emo is becoming slightly obsessed with me, which is worrying but I'm much too close to him to pull away now. I don't know how I'd survive without his madness.

I am avoiding seeing Star for the moment, seeing as I've not settled in enough to let myself get completely wasted beyond belief just yet. But soon. I've realised that quite often things are complicated by other people, as opposed to the two people involved in the relationship/non-relationship/whatever. It's really shit, but that's life I suppose. If only we didn't live in this society of celebrity and gossip and bitchiness.

Yet here I am blogging.

This live album is amazing...


Song of the day: Siouxsie and the Banshees - Happy House.