Anything can happen on Halloween

Halloween has always been my favourite holiday. I love dressing up, eating junk food, drinking heavily, the spooky atmosphere, the great weather around this time... I just love everything about it. And this year was no exception. In fact, it kicked more ass than it usually does.

Last year, I ended up at a party in the emo's house (when I barely knew him) and spent most of the night having a blast drunkenly chatting to people, until Star and some of her troublemaker friends (who she is no longer friends with) upset one of the emo's friends and the atmosphere got a bit tense. They were thrown out, but me and Niamh (who had been dragged along by me) had to stay because Saz was asleep in the emo's bed with a gorgeous guy (who will remain nameless) and we couldn't leave without her. Also Niamh had been drinking and couldn't drive. So, we ended up staying awake very late chatting to the emo, who spent the entire time staring at his nails and refusing to make eye contact, until a more suitable hour when we could leave. These days, I know he does that when he's nervous or uncomfortable. But back then I thought he was awkward and cute. Although I texted him later that day to thank him and apologise for my friends' behaviour, I didn't hear from him again until December when, sitting in a pub in York with Niamh and Saz, I got a text that started off the pseudo-relationship between the two of us that has been going on for almost a year at this stage.

This year was very different. After talking to Star last weekend and realising that we were actually on the same page, and more than that, fucking best friends, all that was left was for the emo to make it official. I was nervous all week. I tried to do as much college work and see as many people as possible, but in the back of my head the whole time was this nagging voice asking when he was going to do it, and even more worrying, if I was ready.

He and I hung out during the week and on Thursday headed out to our favourite rock bar to get hammered and, naturally, rock out. Dylan was there on a date with his new alt chick, although the only thing I remember him saying to me is that he was on a date. Maybe I was just ridiculously hammered, but I'm pretty sure he was avoiding me. Tar pulled a girl he's been after since he was 15 and Noodles almost pulled but the chick disappeared before he could. It was a great night that ended with some mind-blowing, insane drunken sex in the emo's place.

We rested up, chatted to his mother, worked on my costume (for which he made me a giant hammer) and headed off to town where we assembled the rest of my outfit. He was exhausted, so he slept while I dyed my hair blue and got ready to be the most awesome chick in the world, Ramona Flowers. In the end, I think I looked pretty well. Although nobody really knew who I was, and most people thought I was Lily Allen (don't ask me why). We went to a party in Aaron's, a friend of my friend Hel (who I've known since I was 4) that was without a doubt one of the maddest parties I've ever been to. The music was electro and mental, the people were drunk and drugged off their faces, the house was trashed. At one point, Hel got out her nipple ring and encouraged me to do the same. Since I'd had about a million of her insane cocktails (one consisted of two shots of Jager, three of vodka and a splash of Red Bull), I did so. She complimented me on my boobs and we continued on like nothing had happened. If I haven't said so before, she's one of my favourite people in the whole world, not to mention one of the most metal chicks I know.

The emo, who was dressed as Joey Jordison, spilled many a jelly shot and drink on his suit and had to square up to guys who hit on me or were insulted by his lack of X Factor knowledge. "Somebody needs to upgrade their Sky package" one of them, who was dressed as one half of that Irish duo who suck and are making a mockery of us on the show, quipped. He did well, though, managing to chat to lots of people and not appear too nervous. The toilet had two doors, neither of which locked, which led out into the cement garden. At one point, the emo took me out there, presumably with the intention of asking me out, but we hurried back in once we realised what a hole it was. On the way home, we ate burgers the size of our faces and gawked at Bizarre.

We slept late the next day, much to my mother's annoyance, and then headed into the rain and wind of town to a little tattoo parlour in Temple Bar. It was where I got my first tattoo and is run by two Italian brothers. I love it, because unlike other places, the people are friendly and put one at ease. The emo was nervous to get his first tattoo (a heart-shaped skull from Serenity Rose, a fantastic comic book series) but he barely made any noise during it. Unlike me. I knew my wrist was going to hurt like hell, but I wasn't prepared for just how much. Being that I used to cut a lot, I felt strangely calmed by the familiarity of it. But afterwards it stung. Like a bitch. After the outline, the tattoo artist asked me if I was sure I wanted it shaded. I said I was, even though deep down I was screaming. Even so, it was worth it. I've always wanted to get a tattoo done on Halloween, and the emo's was a nice introduction into a world he knows little about (except for the tatt on his knuckles which he did himself with a scalpel and ink). I love getting tattooed. I can't wait for my next one. Although deciding which it's going to be will be hard..

We were standing in the rain, waiting for my bus back home, when he suddenly leaned in and asked me. I wasn't expecting it at all, and I probably blushed a hell of a lot. But I pulled myself together enough to say yes. And then we had some sort of movie kiss that I didn't think existed in real life. I sat in a daze the whole way back. I felt different and yet, completely the same. I've waited over a year to commit to somebody, not just because I wanted to play the field. I wanted to learn from my past mistakes and grow up so that I'd know when it felt right. And it did. It really, really did. Or it does, rather.

I can barely even think the words... I'm somebody's girlfriend.

That night we went to the pub in Bray with some of our crowd (but not Noodles, who was sadly too tired, or Scooby, who was in Manchester seeing Green Day AGAIN) and the emo gushed that we'd finally made it official. Although there were some sceptics in the bunch, everybody was happy for us. We went back to one of the lads' houses and watched movies and drank and ate junk food till 4.30AM. I was exhausted, and in pain because of this wretched gum infection that I'm only now getting around to fixing, but I stuck it out for as long as I could. Me, the emo and the emo's best bud (who thankfully doesn't think I'm a loon after I fell asleep in his house the other week during a wrestling match) strolled home in the rain, we collapsed into bed and that was it, Halloween was over again for another year.

I can't believe it's already over, but I had an absolute blast with lots of awesome people. Not to mention the fact that my costume kicked major ass (not that a lot of people got it). As for being somebody's girlfriend again, I have to admit that the whole thing makes me slightly nervous. I've made a lot of mistakes in the past. And although I hope I've learned from them, the fear of making them again remains with me. I know he's different. And I know that what happened before will never happen again, but it still scares me. I survived it once, only just barely. I don't think I could survive it again.

As for not picking Star in the end, there were a lot of reasons for that. I value honesty above all things, and there is a side of her that worries me. It's the side of her that comes out when people are bitching about me or sending me vicious emails, and she sits back and lets it happen instead of sticking up for me. I've spent most of the last year sticking up for her, and sometimes I worry that I've been made a fool of. But last week, when we hung out and got to chat, I realised that the old her is still there, just carefully hidden. And that in itself gives me hope for the future. She's fucking awesome, and a part of me will always love her. But for now, all we can be is friends.

I feel like I'm getting ridiculously heavy now, but I can't pretend that this wasn't a huge turning point for me because it was. It is. I know I've made the right choice, I know that we love each other and respect each other and that underneath it all we are best friends. I'm still scared, of course. But it's a good kind of scared. I'm excited. A new chapter is beginning.

Fuck, that sounded so ominous...


Song of the day: American Head Charge - Just So You Know.