Paddy's Day in Muenchen

This is the first day, since I arrived here, that I can honestly say that I feel genuinely homesick. I mean, people were homesick on the first day and I almost scoffed at them for it - how could you be homesick when we're embarking on such a fantastic adventure?! Alas, today I know how they feel. It seems ridiculous that I should feel so down today, because last Paddy's Day I did nothing at all. In fact, as I recall, after the usual family dinner in the best Chinese restaurant Dublin has to offer (Charlie's at 3AM doesn't count - anything tastes good drunk), I went home and had a quiet night in with some chocolate and America's Next Top Model. Pathetic, really, considering this is my country's national holiday. The fact is that, back then, the group of people I was part of considered me a bit of a loose cannon. And we were all paired off, thus there was no point in going out and doing anything as a group. That's kind of makes this year suck so much, I'm finally part of a group, or a few groups, rather, who love having me around, and who I love being around, and who are fun and spontaneous and mad. They're all preparing, as I write, to get hammered and tear it up in proper Paddy's Day style. And what am I doing? Sitting in my flat, writing a blog, preparing a presentation, listening to All Hope Is Gone and feeling very, very down. Bleh. Dylan warned me I'd be letting the side down if I didn't go out and get hammered tonight. Oops.

I suppose it could be worse. In fact, upon waking up this morning, I had the distinct impression that I may be suffering one of my horrible depressive episodes. My head felt heavy and there was a darkness surrounding absolutely EVERYTHING; from clothes, to food, to the bright, sunny weather. I decided, as always, to endure it and just take everything one step at a time. The afternoon was pretty rough. I wasn't bothered getting into the Paddy's Day spirit (it's a bit of a novelty to the other people in our class that we're from Ireland), but at the same time, I was dreading going home and being left alone with my own thoughts. I did my best to pretend to be in high spirits, and I think it worked for the most part. It hasn't been so bad since I got back here. Thankfully, it seems to be abating at the moment, and once I distract myself as much as possible, it hopefully won't get any worse.

I did wear a lot of green today though. I even wore polka-dot neon green bows in my hair! And, of course, the "Ireland Rocks" T-shirt that Hel got for me before I left. I was looking through photos earlier and I found these ancient ones from my first (legal) drunken Paddy's Day, back when Doran's used to be a novelty (now it just sucks). I was 18 years old and completely carefree, which is weird considering I was on the cusp of one of the biggest changes in my life.



I don't know who even painted that shamrock on my face... Sometimes I really miss having colours in my hair, but I don't really think that's me anymore. I'll put streaks in it when it gets a bit longer, anyway, for the laugh. And now I'm writing about my hair - how exciting! This fucking sucks. I knew before I came here that I'd be missing out on loads of fun stuff back home (Frodo's pirate ghost party - sob!!) but this is the first time that I really feel that I'd rather be back there. Sadly, there is nothing I can do about it now. I hope this day ends really, really soon though. I'm quite sick of feeling this way.

It's also strange that today was so shit because I happened to get some lovely photos!

The boppers were presents from Saz's mother, and they were a huge hit in college! I wore too much green, though, so Marina stole mine and paraded around for most of the day with them on. She was quite sad to give them back, actually, but I have them displayed on my desk now so it's not like they're going to waste.

I should really get some writing done now. As in, proper writing, not blogging. I think I'm in the right frame of mine to get lots done. Well, I hope so, anyway, because nothing distracts me like writing. Homesickness sucks.


Song of the day: U2 - Where the streets have no name (made me feel very Irish this morning).



PS Saz didn't get a kiss for being Irish - but Anna (who is, in fact, Polish) did!!