Sunday, June 28, 2009

Leave A Scar

It's not like I made myself a list
Of new and different ways to murder your heart
I'm just a painting that's still wet
If you touch me, I'll be smeared
You'll be stained
Stained for the rest of your life

So turn around, walk away
Before you confuse the way we abuse each other
You're not afraid of getting hurt
And I'm not afraid of how much I hurt you

I'm well aware I'm a danger to myself
Are you aware I'm a danger to others?
There's a crack in my soul
You thought it was a smile

Whatever doesn't kill you...
Is gonna leave a scar
Whatever doesn't kill you...
Is gonna leave a scar
Leave a scar
Leave a scar
Leave a scar
Whatever doesn't kill you will leave a scar

I'm more like a silver bullet
And I'm like a gun, not easy to hold
I'm moving fast and if I stay inside your heart
I'm certain that this will be
The end of your life

So turn around, walk away
Before you confuse the way we abuse each other
You're not afraid of getting hurt
And I'm not afraid of how much I hurt you

I'm well aware I'm a danger to myself
Are you aware I'm a danger to others?
There's a crack in my soul
You thought it was a smile

Whatever doesn't kill you...
Is gonna leave a scar
Whatever doesn't kill you...
Is gonna leave a scar
Leave a scar
Leave a scar
Leave a scar
Whatever doesn't kill you will leave a scar

She warned you that she may fuck me
But chances are I'm going to fuck you over
She warned you that she may fuck me
But chances are I'm going to fuck you over
She warned you that she may fuck me
But chances are I'm going to fuck you over
She warned you that she may fuck me
But chances are I'm going to fuck you over

Friday, June 26, 2009

It's beginning to sink in, Ted

It's almost 2PM over here, but I only just got up and, sadly enough, it wasn't because of a hangover this time. I slept really well, for the first time this week, last night and, as a result, jumped out of bed at 9AM to go for a run which I then subsequently pushed myself too hard on, collapsed with stomach cramps, crawled back to my flat and settled back in bed, writhing in pain, with some much-needed metal pumping through my headphones.

I'm getting really excited to see Metallica again, especially with Noodles because we ALWAYS have the best time no matter what we're doing. I'll only have been home a day when we go to see them, and I hate pretty much all of the support bands (The Sword and Mastodon are the exceptions) but it's going to be a fucking awesome day, especially if last year is anything to go by. It'll only be my second time seeing them, which seems ridiculous. I can't wait.

I stuck on some Radiohead in the middle, of course. I like mixing them with metal, even though it doesn't really make any sense to do so.

Anyway, I recovered after a bit and now here I am.

This week has been fairly boring. Uni, spending money I don't have (mainly on food and drink), watching random crap online (lots of Father Ted as I've been getting a bit homesick) and hanging out with Saz, complaining about why nothing exciting is happening in our lives at the moment. I've been trying to cheer her up somewhat, but it's difficult when I completely agree with what she has to say.

I'm beginning to miss home a lot. It's not that Munich doesn't feel like home, because it does, but I miss my friends, knowing where almost everything is, making my own money, hopping on a bus out to furthest Wicklow to watch Simpsons DVDs with Noodles and Scooby, getting stoned in bed with Star or the emo, going on dates.... I miss Dublin, probably the one great love of my life. It sounds stupid, given how many times I've been hurt there, not to mention all of the terrible things that have happened there, but it's still very close to my heart and probably always will be, even when I move away again.

The weather has been pretty shit this week, too, which hasn't helped. It rained solidly for three or four days and now it seems to have brightened up a bit, but it's kind of too little too late at this stage. I can't wait till I'm able to sunbathe again. Not that I particularly want to be tanned, but I love just lazing about listening to music and reading. My mother sent over the Dubliner summer annual, which made me both yearn for home and also get excited that I'm in a completely different city. Munich really is fantastic.

I've been on a major Kevin Smith kick the past couple of weeks. I've been reading his blog, watching all of his movies and, of course, reading his book My Boring Ass Life, which the emo brought over for me while he was here. It's all taken from blog posts, but he's written it in the most candid, honest, detailed way possible that to most people it'd be boring as hell, but to me it's incredibly fascinating. I know that there's a part later on in it when Mewes (Jason Mewes, Jay to his Silent Bob - I've loved him for many years) relapses and isn't allowed back into the house that Smith shares with his wife and kid. I was nearly in tears when my brother was telling me about it, so I'm dreading reading it. Anyway, the book is great and I'm really enjoying it. I'm trying to read lots of German, but I'm more interested in reading Kevin Smith's ramblings than anything else...

I wonder if anybody is bothered reading my ramblings..

Anyway, life is great and shit at the moment. There are less than five weeks left in my stay here, which seems ridiculous in the space of five months, but it's beginning to drag slightly, which is worrying... Still, I know the next few weeks are going to fly by so I should just shut up and enjoy them. I finally booked my flight home, which is good. The thought of packing up this room scares the shit out of me. I never expected to gather so much shit here, but I have. I've had such a fantastic time, that it just pisses me off when I have weeks like this where nothing seems to happen, or go right, and the overwhelming thought is of going home.

At least I'm heading out tomorrow night, to (hopefully) rock out properly for once. And there's Berlin next weekend to look forward to (still dunno how the hell I'm going to afford that). Maybe it isn't all bad. I mean...some things went right this week. Let's see...

1. My article on the evolution ofVogue and "Mode als Kunst" (fashion as art) is definitely going in the college magazine, which is a huge boost for my CV because it is, of course, in German. It was nice to be told it wasn't complete crap, too.

2. I booked my flight home and my last rent instalment is pretty much paid.

3. Saz and I talked and sobbed our way into getting our grant papers signed early so that we might have SOME money for the last few weeks.

4. Charley helped me do my roots so I no longer have shitty hair, which begs the question - why would somebody pay 50 quid to have his/her hair dyed orange when he/she can do it at home for a fraction of the price and do it right? (pet peeve of mine). Getting it done professionally again is going to be fantastic though, don't get me wrong.

5. Berlin is all booked and ready to go.

6. I wrote lots and lots and lots and actually liked what I wrote.


Hmm...not bad for a week that was a bit meh...

I guess I should shut up now, seeing as I have more writing to do. I really should drag my ass out to aerobics later on too, even though I really don't want to get up...


Song of the day: Radiohead - Just.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Wien

I've decided not to wait a week to write about last weekend, unlike the week before, and I'm bored right now and have just done my journal entry for the day, so...yeah!

I set off last Thursday night, 11PM sharp, on a six-hour bus journey to lovely Vienna. My good bud Tar, who I hadn't seen in a year because of something that happened between us but is now sorted, is doing Erasmus there and has been living in the city since last September. He met me at the U-Bahn station at 5AM (sucks to be him!), we travelled back to his flat and slept for a few hours before we hit the city. I wasn't really interested in doing touristy things while I was there, preferring to experience real life in Vienna as it were, and luckily, he was more than happy to oblige me.

We ate in a very fancy Burger King in the city centre (all BKs over here are fancy, I dunno why) and then wandered about for a bit, taking certain things in, such as the Opera House, which was beautiful, and about a hundred churches. We got cheap booze on the way home and I was shown a funfair, a brothel and a strip club. I was dying to see a real, live hooker but I was assured I would by the end of my stay. I dunno if the city is just filthy or sexually open or what, but there were even more strip clubs and sex shops than Munich, if that's actually possible, and of course the aforementioned brothels. It was quite a trip.

We did pre-drinks and got fairly tipsy before heading out to meet a load of Austrians at a club that turned out to be a ska bar. We skanked the night away with mad people who couldn't understand my accent, and vice versa. Viennisch and Bayerisch are supposed to be fairly similar, but I couldn't really hear it at all to be honest! We headed to a bar called G-Punkt (like G-spot) afterwards, with the charming tagline "Ich habe das G-Punkt gefunden" (I found the G-spot, basically) and played a drunken game of foosball, and then a drinking game involving a hammer, nails and a tree trunk. Basically, everybody gets a nail, hammers it into the trunk a bit and then the hammer is passed around and you take turns hitting it with the blunt edge. Whoever gets their nail in last buys a round of shots. Of course, it was me. I didn't end up buying shots though because we got kicked out of the bar earlier than expected.

We were waiting at a tram stop in the beautiful light of the morning, when I realised I had plastic flowers in my hair. It took me a sec to remember that Stefan, one of the Austrians, had given me a lei that I'd broken (of course) and thus tied in my hair. Then, I kissed a poster of Tokio Hotel and got Tar to take a photo for my sister.

We went back to his and slept it off til the next afternoon.

When we could finally face the sunlight and heat, we dragged our asses out of bed and across the city to a pizzeria that Charley had recommended to me from her trip there the weekend before. It was in a dodgy part of town, but we went in with an open mind and we were not disappointed! It was probably the nicest pizza I've ever had, not to mention ridiculously cheap. We got two massive pizzas and two big Cokes for under a tenner. If I were a food reviewer (and what a fantastic job that would be), this would be when I'd give it five fucking stars. We took half of each pizza home and cracked into it later on after we'd been drinking again.

It was Niamh's birthday, one of Tar's friends from back home, and so we did pre-drinks in hers, where she and I discovered a shared hatred for Ruth Gilligan and love of Marian Keyes. Once the bonding was over, we went to one of their favourite cocktail bars, where I racked up a sixty quid bar tab over the course of the night. I met more mad Austrians and another mad Irishman, who's been living in Austria for five years. I also got a great kick out of the fact that one of the Austrians looked a hell of a lot like Jonathan Davis.

We moved on to G-Punkt later into the night, and it was there that I was reminded that, the night before, I'd drunkenly challenged Jogel, one of the most hardcore Austrian drinkers, to a drinking contest involving Birne, the strongest and most lethal shot they've got. Of course, I couldn't back out then, because not only had I been bragging the night before, but I'd heard way too many stories about Tar passing out and getting sick after nights out drinking, and I felt it'd really be letting the side down if I refused to do it then.

So the shots arrived on a long tray, provided by Jogel, whose eyes were shining at the thought of showing me up. Luckily, he didn't. I downed each one like a trooper, barely blinking despite the fact that my throat was stinging like fuck. He was quite impressed by the end, as was Tar, who seemed completely and utterly shocked that I hadn't passed out or been sick everywhere. I was glad to prove that I can handle my drink, even if I'm probably painting myself now as a gigantic alco. Oh, and Niamh pulled the barman. I was well jealous.

I bid everyone goodbye and we headed back to Tar's flat, where we gorged on the pizza from earlier on and then slept well into the following afternoon. I woke up a bit earlier than him, eager to go to the zoo, but he was too exhausted and so, we sat watching German MTV (which is hilarious) until a more reasonable time and then headed out for lunch/dinner. He took me to an Irish pub, called Flanagans, that was run by Brits. Even so, I was impressed. The food was delish, and since the weather was gorgeous, we sat by an open window with the sun on our hungover faces and relaxed for most of the day.

We went back to his flat, grabbed my suitcase and headed out again. I was on the bus, after a quick goodbye, around 10.30PM and I arrived in Munich at 4AM, which wasn't too bad. I stayed awake the whole journey, not really tired after my long afternoon sleep earlier that day, and listened to music the whole way home. The guy next to me took pity on me, sniffling and coughing practically the whole time, and gave me a pack of tissues which I clung to for the entire journey.

I was back in my flat at 5.30AM and collapsed into bed, more tired than I'd anticipated, and feeling slightly strange to be back. Munich feels like home now, and as a result, I'm beginning to get scared about heading home to Dublin.

Saz and Charley are leaving here July 30th, but I think I'm going to leave the following day so that I can spend some time saying goodbye to this place alone and prepare myself for my return. It'll be great and terrible to get back. Niamh said that it's really going to hit her in a bad way when she's sitting at the bus stop waiting for hours for her bus to come, which I definitely agree with, but there are more things to sort out too, and I'm really not looking forward to dealing with bullshit again. Being over here means I'm sort of hidden and protected from all of that. I dunno how I'll feel when I'm thrust into the middle of it all again.

I can't believe this is nearly over.


Song of the day: Foo Fighters - Everlong.

Monday, June 15, 2009

RIP

I should've written this when I got back last week, but I was far too exhausted and had too much to do that I just couldn't find the time in which to do so. So now, a week later, I'm sitting down to write about the awesomeness that was Rock im Park. And every moment is still as fresh in my mind, as if it only happened yesterday.

It was terribly brilliant, if that makes sense at all. Everything that could've gone wrong did, but even so it kicked major ass!!

We set off late-ish on Friday; me, the emo, the two Americans (Ohio and Brother) and the Proper Irishman (from Monaghan, with a permanently happy smile and positive demeanour no matter what the situation, not to mention the best accent ever!!). I was slightly worried about travelling and staying with people I didn't know very well, but thankfully all of us bonded on the train and, by the time we arrived at the Zepplinfield, we felt like old friends. I was very excited to get a new wristband to stick next to my two-year-old Download '07 one. It's a bit too long, though, I should probably cut it..

Rock im Park is situated around two lakes and, obviously, some forests and parkland. But, the most infamous thing about it is, of course, that it is where the Nuremberg rallies took place and, even more notably, where Der Triumph des Willens was filmed. Even being there felt strange, maybe even moreso than being in Dachau.

We eventually found spots to camp, near one of the lakes, set up the tents and headed off to see the first performer - Chris Cornell. Now, I love a bit of Audioslave and even some Soundgarden from time to time, but Cornell's solo stuff leaves a lot to be desired. He strutted out wearing grey drainpipes, knee-high boots and a loose beige top, and launched into his most recent single, Part of Me, with the charming chorus line "That bitch ain't a part of me". It got the crowd going, but about ten minutes in I was bored shitless and dragged the emo off to the only inside stage to see Bring Me The Horizon (who blew me away when I saw them earlier in the year). The kids were pretty hammered and kept passing out at our feet, but the lads put on a good show. We almost died laughing when Olli Sykes, the frontman and a gigantic spa, ordered the Germans to do a circle pit by saying "Round and round Germany, round and round" over and over. Good stuff. We almost got crushed getting out of there, but it was worth it. For me, at least. The emo wanted to tear his hair out. I bought a T-shirt then. The selection was amazing! And they were so cheap! I got one with a sexy lady on it, which I later discovered hadn't got the bands on the back. So I bought another one the following day. We also had the festival-themed cocktails, Rocking Park, which were fucking delish I must say.

We found the lads and all headed to see the mighty Limp Bizkit, all of us very excited that Wes Borland is playing with them again. We lost each other about five minutes in, but the set was AMAZING. The only downpoint was Behind Blue Eyes, which Wes actually left the stage during. I mean, who picked that for the setlist? It sucks and it's a total downer! Regardless, the set was great and we got seriously pummelled in the mosh pit. Getting out of the main arena was horrible. Everybody pushed and we were squashed pretty badly. There was very little crowd control all weekend, but I suppose it's difficult with such a huge amount of people.

While we were waiting for the others, the emo noticed he was missing his wallet, with the 300 quid that he'd been saving up to splash out on me at the festival. He was devastated. When the others arrived, the Proper Irishman offered to help us look, assuring us it'd turn up. Of course, we couldn't find it. I held the emo in the tent that night, which felt strange but nice. We didn't get much sleep. Some Brit asshole was yelling about The Killers all night. But we awoke still fairly hopeful. And it was sunny out! Well, for a bit anyway.

We spent most of Saturday trying to blag our way into the press area so that we could hit the Polizei up for the emo's wallet. They were unhelpful, as per usual, and told us to come back later. We found the others at Papa Roach and rocked out for a bit. They stayed to see Staind, we legged it off to watch Placebo. By that stage, it was beginning to rain quite heavily, and I was regretting my choice to bring a pair of pumps, shorts, a hoodie and tights with a variety of tops. I was cold. But Placebo warmed me up. They were amazing. Brian Molko is getting on a bit, and his ponytail makes him look like Bono, but they were incredible anyway. We were blown away.

We saw the end of Killswitch, but although the emo was fairly impressed, I tend to find myself wholly underwhelmed by them. We got right up the front for Marilyn Manson, and I was jumping up and down excitedly on the spot waiting for them to come on. We got talking to a German couple who were very impressed by our Irishness. Unfortunately for me, Mr. Manson didn't seem to be in the mood to play to, as he called it, "Dutchland" and stormed off stage after only an hour. The set was pretty decent, and the new stuff sounded great, but I couldn't help but feel cheated by somebody I've always considered one of my heroes. He barely sang any of the lyrics, which begs the question - why bother playing if one is just going through the motions?

We were squashed again on the way to get water, and met some lovely Irish people in the queue. The setup of RIP is completely different to DL. There aren't many water stations, and the area itself is bigger, although the stages are quite close, which is a plus. Paying for showers sucks. I only ended up having one, which sounds disgusting but it was all I could afford given that I ended up paying for the emo all weekend too! (I was paid back, thanks to his lovely parents).

Anyway, we were very excited for Korn, especially because it was the emo's first time seeing them. We'd lost the others again by the time they came on. The Pure Irishman went to see The Killers in the end, bogger that he is. But he was really, really missing out because Korn played the BEST set I've ever seen them play. I almost cried when they played Thoughtless, my favourite song of theirs. I'd never heard it live before and it didn't disappoint. Blind as the encore was amazing too. The pit was insane. We met another Irishman in it. We were seriously tired afterwards, and needless to say, we slept well that night!

Sunday dawned bright and sunny, but it didn't stay that way for long. The Pure Irishman dragged us all to see Flogging Molly, but the Americans disappeared en route. We later discovered that Ohio had decided to rethink his strategy of not wearing a jacket or hoodie in the rain and ran back to get one as soon as it started to drizzle. We were not so lucky. We got DRENCHED. And I was in shorts. On the way back to the tents to change, the emo threw off his soaked T-shirt but kept his sunglasses on and happily strutted back topless in the downpour. He's still ill this week, as a result (but he looked damn good, so who cares).

Although we were dying to see Madness, the emo and I had to trek out of the festival grounds into Nuremberg to find an ATM (Germany has a distinct lack of them). Seeing as it was a Sunday, nothing was open, and it didn't help that we looked like the survivors in a teen slasher film - covered in muck, soaking wet, dishevelled, pissed off and not wearing nearly enough clothing. Since my hoodie had got soaked earlier on, we only had one between us. And he, being the gentleman that he is, decided I should have it. So we looked a bit mad. We were out trekking for about two hours in the rain, thus missing Madness. We blagged our way into the press area again (being that my German is so good - har de har) and I FINALLY found an ATM. Yey! The Polizei had his wallet too, although the money was missing and they charged three quid to get it back. Typical German bullshit.

I threw caution to the wind then, and we had a few drinks before the Prodigy. I was very very excited to see them, but he wasn't so much. It didn't matter anyway, cos their set was amazing. Techno pits fucking suck, but we had such a laugh bouncing about amongst the pillheads. And then, once they were done, the real fun began - the hour long wait until Slipknot. I was determined to get up the front, which we did after some jostling about. Unfortunately, it was then that the heavens opened and we were drowned in the coldest, heaviest rain I have ever felt in my life. We sheltered under our one hoodie. The emo screamed at me to run to shelter somewhere properly, but I refused. I'd waited four years to see Slipknot, I wasn't giving up my place then.

And, of course, it was completely fucking worth it. Not only did we have the best view of the stage, but the set was amazing. Joey was so teeny behind the drumkit, Jim was so tall next to Corey, Chris did situps off Clown's drumkit when it was spinning in the air, Craig puked off to the side somewhere.... It was incredible. We were freezing but I didn't feel it. They opened with Sic, my favourite song and they were perfect, even though they didn't play My Plague once again. I sang extra loud to Dead Memories (which holds a special place in my heart because of the past year) and Everything Ends, which was preceded by one of Corey's speeches about not letting the assholes get you down. They're quite an inspirational band, as fucking stupid as that sounds. And they still make me feel like less of a freak, even at 21 years of age. Oh, and the "Zero Bullshit" was fucking epic as always. They exchanged hugs and exited the stage to 'Til We Die, played over the sound system, and it was the most perfect way they could've gone.

We discussed every little detail all the way back to the tents, not really minding the cold or the squashing in the queues. The others were already packing up when we arrived. We'd decided to leave in the middle of the night to beat the rush. We packed up as quickly as we could and headed off, leaving the emo's tent, which I accidentally broke earlier in the day, behind. We were in the train station by 3AM but the train wasn't till 5. We sat and chatted about anything and everything. The Brother, being the youngest of all of us, seemed most thrilled by the whole experience, but needless to say we were all fairly impressed. As a weekend, although imperfect, it kicked major ass.

We were kicked off two trains for having a Bayern ticket that wasn't valid till 9AM, but we had a great time anyway. We eventually made it home and parted ways with knucks, of course. The emo and I slept, fucked, showered and set off for the airport what seemed like five minutes later. I cried when I had to leave him, which I wasn't expecting. I stuck on No Surprises on the train home and cried some more. Only Slipknot calmed me down, of course.

And now, a week later, I still can't believe it's all over so soon. It was amazing. I'd go again tomorrow if I could.

And now I've six weeks left here and I don't know what to do!!!!


Song of the day: Slipknot - Before I Forget.